Divine Deception — Condolences

*

My condolences
I shed a tear with your family
I’ll open a bottle up
Pour a little bit out in your memory
I’ll be at the wake dressed in all black
I’ll call out your name but you won’t call back
I’ll hand a flower to your mother when I say goodbye
‘Cause baby you’re dead to me

*

Everybody arrives. From old station wagons to limousines long enough to go on for days. People from the past pay their respects and those Vita has touched in the last fifteen years drop by on this sunny afternoon. Flowers around the complex open up as if rising to the heavens, the late fall air is warm to the point of being sticky and I listen to the birds singing their lullaby to Vita’s final slumber as the clouds part for the sun. It’s seems like mockery to me. It’s such a perfect day and here I stand in the bushes looking over my enemy’s funeral. Shouldn’t it be raining? Shouldn’t it be cold and miserable during this day the community lost such a powerful woman? Shouldn’t I feel glad that it turned out so perfect? I should. I should feel happy while in reality all I feel is emptiness. Destruction is to take away something valuable from somebody else so that they feel the same emptiness they put on others. But how can Vita feel anything when she’s to be buried six feet under the dirt? She can’t feel anything and that, right there, is the perfect ending for this woman. I had taken everything from her and she took everything from me. Daughters. Husbands. Lives. But ever since I was released, Vita’s always been one step ahead of me and it seems I’ve been taken for a fool. She’s taken the final step and got out of this web of hatred… She’s gotten herself out of this game, leaving me, and only me, stuck playing. And I hate her for it.

Maybe hate is too strong of a word. I look through the trees towards my daughter. Her eyes are puffy, her cheeks streaked with running mascara. She’s here, though. She’s alive and well, and been brought up with the same if not more love than I could have given. I can’t deny what I’ve heard on the streets, what I’ve seen for myself. I managed to destroy the Alto name, but I never truly destroyed Vita. She grew, bloomed and became a better person because of it. I failed my mission and for the first time since I’d been taken into custody I think there may be a possibility that it was a good thing. Vita brought Delilah up better than I could have and has made better judgment calls. She was a job, but it was I who made it personal. I was pulled into the pool of hate and I dragged her down with me. Now it’s only me swimming alone down here.

I spot Marlie in the crowd and a smile tickles the corners of my lips while I get a sense of nostalgia. She’s the twin who could always put me in a good mood, always had a smile on. I take a step closer. She, like the rest of us during the last fifteen years, has aged. Her golden blond hair has paled and the line of her lips has receded. She doesn’t wear a smile on her face now, yet she’s there, giving my daughter a big hug and telling her that everything is going to be okay. Something else I can’t be there for my daughter for.

I hate this. What’s going to happen to Delilah now? I think momentarily. I know it’s selfish and I know how bad it sounds, but with Vita out of the picture, I don’t know what to expect from my own daughter. I’ve watched Deli for weeks and it’s evident that she depends on Vita dearly. And Vita’s always been there. Now what happens when she isn’t? I suddenly get flashbacks to back when I was a child and woke up one morning to find my parents gone, leaving me to fend for myself. I instinctively start chewing my cheek. “Don’t let it be the same,” I whisper, hoping with everything I have that Deli doesn’t follow the same path I did. Having nowhere to go or feel safe, passed on from guardian to guardian, family to family until she could find her own two feet, which could very well lead her to her end. “Because look where I turned up.”

I can feel my breathing start to intensify and crouch down immediately, forcing myself to take deep breaths. “It won’t be the same, it won’t be the same,” I tell myself as I rock from the tips of my toes to the backs of my heels. A nectarous flowery scent eases me back from my anxiety attack. It takes me back to the day I stormed out of Gobias’s house and headed to the festival. When I saw Vita and she told me that I could move in with her until I found a place of my own. We sat at the campfire, talking about how much of a jerk Gobias was when she made the offer. Back then I was, in more ways that one, happy that she had asked. It was the opportunity to become the virus inside her walls that would terminate everything. I look up from my lap in search of the source of the sweet scent and find myself looking at a flower bush made of pink and white blossoms. Vita’s favourite colours. And that smell… Her perfume.

“I would never have expected to see you here,” somebody says behind me. I straighten myself up and turn to face him.

His striking blue eyes and jet black hair catch a shine from the bright sun up above. I can’t put a name to the face even though I know for sure that I’ve spoken to this man before. That I’d felt something for him a long time ago. I look him up and down. His charcoal suit and red shirt underneath. The shape in his nose and the way his jaw curves on such a sharp angle. I know it. He’s there at the back of my mind and he was one of the few people I could have said I was close to during my time with the Altos. He was one of the few who I could be myself around and think clearly. I haven’t spoken a word to him since my wedding day when he disapproved in my decision to marry Nick. His name is on the tip of my tongue and then, and only then, can I finally spit it out.

“Vic.”

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he says as he looks down at his hands. He plays with his gold cufflinks.

I can’t say that I had thought any differently. After our last argument, I didn’t think he’d ever want to see me again. After he accused me of being secretive and stormed off. There are so many different things I want to say to him now that it all crowds at the back of my throat, allowing only one thing out at a time. The first thing is, “How have you been?”

He shrugs. “Life’s life. You look well.”

I know he’s just being polite. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and even after doing my makeup, I’ve looked better. I still can’t help myself from blushing, though. He’s always been able to pull off the mask that hides my emotions. “I probably looked a lot better the last time you saw me.” Instantly, I kick myself for saying something so stupid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up. So soon anyway.”

“Better you than me.” Vic chuckles. “It’s just the elephant in the room.”

I smirk. “We’re at a funeral for a woman neither of us cared much for. What’s another elephant?” We both laugh quietly and then silence takes over. I can hear crying in the background and people blowing their noses.

“Where have you been, Sadie?” Vic finally speaks again.

I make a face. “Where have I been?” Sunset Valley is a small town. Everybody pretty much knows everybody and for Vic not to know what happened and where I went is complete nonsense.

“I mean were the stories true… with what you did to Nick?”

My hands have started to sweat so I wipe them on the sides of my dress. For how long it’s been since Vic and I last spoke and the rage between us, I don’t want to throw anything else in what little we have left. But I know that it was my secrets more than anything that damaged whatever we once had. “Yes,” I whisper.

I watch as my confirmation hits him with force. So much that he takes a step back. It’s not everyday that somebody who meant a lot to you a decade ago opens up and tells you that they killed their first husband. I close my eyes and say goodbye to the thought that this reunion with Vic is more than just an extension to this play of ours. “You were right…”

I look him in the eyes as he holds me in his frank stare and swallow hard. “How so?”

“You told me that one day I would understand. It just wasn’t then.”

I feel my eyebrows knit together on their own. “I wanted to tell you, Vic. I always did.”

“I know,” he reassures me. “I was just too proud to see it. It seems death has a way of bringing everybody a little closer.”

I don’t understand until I follow his gaze.


Holly has arrived, Vita’s very distant daughter. Their relationship had been rocky since the moment I met Vita and from what I heard, she moved far away, never wanting to visit. Until now. And she’s the person Delilah bolts for. I observe Holly closer. The girl whose home I tore apart holds her arms open for my daughter. I can’t understand it.

“She’s gone, Holly!” Delilah sobs. “Mom’s gone and I just left her!”

My gut churns inside of me as my body breaks out in a cold sweat. I’m about to run out from my hiding space to comfort my daughter, make sure she doesn’t get pushed away because of my past actions when I hear Holly’s voice. It’s as soft and genuine as the first time we met. “I know,” she coos as she strokes Delilah’s red locks. “I know.” With her arms still around Deli, she walks her back to the casket.

“That’s your daughter,” Vic assumes.

I don’t look back at him. I just continue to watch my daughter and Holly make their way back. “I never wanted this for her,” I mumble. “I never wanted any of this for any of you.”

“I believe you.”

I spin around on Vic. “Why?”

“Because I stand by what I said fifteen years ago. You’ve never been like anybody else in Sunset Valley. Deep down you are kind and genuine.”

I am kind and genuine? I don’t agree, but everybody is being called to the casket and I don’t want to argue. I feel Vic place his hand on my shoulder.

“Here,” he says and passes me a business card. “Call me sometime when you get a chance.” I take the card from his hand hesitantly and watch as he starts towards the casket. “It’s good to see you again, Sadie.”

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” Deli is at the front with the casket as she reads. “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.”

*
“Oh, you made it!” I can hear Vita back during Halloween night as she pulled me into a big hug. “I was worried that you’d bail.”

“Never. After my Leisure Day party, I thought I owed you one.” I smile at what I remember comes next. “No pregnancies this time, got it?”

“I can promise you that.”
*

Holly has taken over for Delilah because she can’t control her crying. “He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

*
“I shouldn’t have lost my head,” I had said regarding my fight with Gobias. “I was just so furious.”

“And rightly so. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, Sadie, but things just came up. Gobias has never been a nice person. He is bad to the core and looks to hurt others. He’s always been passive, though.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I have no clue where I am staying tonight.”

“Nonsense, you’ll be staying with me.”

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,” Delilah speaks again. “You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”

*
“That horrid woman has taken everything from me, don’t you understand? You, my career, my friends, and now this house, and if you aren’t careful, Nick, she’s going to take everything from you too!”

I replay the motion of Nick pulling away from her in my mind. “You’ve been through a lot lately, Vita. Take a long walk and figure things out.”

“I will never forgive you for this, Sadie!” she screamed at me.

“Good, then you will never forget it either.”
*

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Holly continues. “Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

“Amen,” Delilah says quietly. The crowd in the chairs repeats.

I stare at the casket as tears pool in my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I mumble. And I stay there, watching everything as rest of the day goes by. Until the light becomes dark and the filled seats begin to empty. I stay and watch over Delilah. Not only because she is my daughter, my responsibility now. But because Vita had done it for me when I needed it most. Now I can do it for her.

***

((A psalm of David found HERE
Beginning lyrics from Melanie Martinez’s Dead To Me))